


don't need the warmth, don't need the pain

by Tsundeyama



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (i hate myself), (i made myself sad okay), (only if you squint), (typical lau bullshit), (what is new lmao), (when isn't he lmao), Angst, Depressed Oikawa Tooru, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, KageyamaWeek2020, M/M, Sad Kageyama Tobio, Sad Oikawa Tooru, Startear AU, Startear Disease, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:53:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28227951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsundeyama/pseuds/Tsundeyama
Summary: kageyama settles for walking the rest of the way, tears finally welling up his eyes as he starts to sniffle. he only hopes to look decent when he arrives home. he doesn’t want to have to explain to his sister that he’s been crying over a boy. miwa doesn’t even know he likes boys.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 4
Kudos: 82





	don't need the warmth, don't need the pain

**Author's Note:**

> #startear : it's not deadly but cannot be cured. born from subjects of unrequited love in which the patient start to cry colored tears similar to stars; hence the name. along with the coloured tears. the disease affects the victim eyes, making them turn color blind and, in rare cases, make the victim lose sight.

« you should leave. »

iwaizumi says, grip as firm on oikawa’s arm as his voice his gentle when he talks to kageyama.

he should definitely leave, yes, but there is something that keeps him frozen in place, hands tight around the ball he had been presenting to his upperclassman and captain just a minute before. just an offering to practice some more, because tobio really wanted to learn how to serve like him, how to _be_ like him, but oikawa hadn’t reacted in the expected way.

he had tried to hit him, and if not for the presence of his best friend a few feet away, he probably would have, his anger not even hidden anymore as he struggles to break free from iwaizumi’s grasp _« let me go ! »_ he says, in his angry, high pitched, almost hysteric voice, _« let me fucking go, damnit ! »._ iwaizumi doesn’t, even though there are tears in oikawa’s eyes, he is only hurting on the inside, and not because of him.

kageyama leaves the gym with a heavy heart. his first few steps were hesitant, wide blue eyes fixed on his upperclassman and the disgusted look on his face as he keeps glaring at him, but he soon storms off, leaving iwaizumi to deal with an upset oikawa.

the first year shoves his things into his bag in a hurry, only because he feels the prickling of tears behind his closed eyelids and no calming breaths seem enough to get rid of the discomfort in his throat. he _is_ going to cry, and he doesn’t want to do it on the school grounds where anyone could witness it.

he runs and runs and runs home, volleyball shoes taping against the concrete in a rhythmical patter until his lungs burn and he stops in the middle of the road — of nowhere. night has fallen an hour or two ago, and the white puffs of his warm labored breath in the freezing cold are a nice contrast to the semi-darkness.

kageyama settles for walking the rest of the way, tears finally welling up his eyes as he starts to sniffle. he only hopes to look decent when he arrives home. he doesn’t want to have to explain to his sister that he’s been crying over a boy. miwa doesn’t even know he likes boys.

not that tobio is sure he does anyways : it’s the first time he feels this way, and maybe it isn’t about men but just about _him_. oikawa. the popular third-year, the grand king of kitagawa daichi, the one and only middle-school player kageyama admires so.

over the course of the school-year, said admiration has blossomed into something else : a _love_ the boy struggles to keep hidden. there is no way oikawa doesn’t notice the way tobio’s dark blue eyes seem to sparkle every time he glances his way, or the blush that tint his pale cheeks whenever they are close. not to mention that one time oikawa _touched_ him, and when he thought he would faint in the middle of a match.

of course, he knows better than to confess. kageyama never even though about it, he isn’t even sure that he would want his relationship with oikawa to change... and he is now sure that the third year doesn’t feel the same way — there was _hatred_ in his eyes when his fist rose, and its intensity broke kageyama’s heart in a million of pieces. was he that unlikable ? what did he ever do to earn his captain wrath ? was oikawa upset to have a lost duckling like him following his every step, only in the hope to be as good ?

tears finally cloud his vision, and he begins to _cry_. he hasn’t cried like this for a while, loud and ugly wails and tears and snot running down unwanted. he can only hope that he would feel better once he is done crying.

as if in tune with his emotion, the wind picks up, blowing kageyama’s tears away in a sound akin to the one of a chime. the teenager freezes on the spot, and tries to silence his sobs, focus on the sound his falling tears shouldn’t be making.

_no, no, no_ , he thinks, one hand reaching out for his face, trembling fingers collecting the last of his tears — the shock had made them stop, but he knows they could come back as easily as they went.

kageyama looks down, already half knowing what he would see in his hands : tiny droplets of colors, oddly star-shaped. blues and reds and ambers he won’t ever see anymore, the shades literally running down from his eyes, and there’s nothing he can do to make it stop so he decides it is okay to cry again.

this wasn’t supposed to happen, not when oikawa is his first love. startear disease doesn’t apply to first love, it almost never blooms so why ? why does he have to be the one case in a million ? his day has been shitty enough as it is, he didn’t need to get sick on top of it.

he can’t bring himself to stop crying before he gets home. his sister is actually already on the front porch waiting for him, alarmed by the cries and sniffles that she had heard coming, and had recognized as his. miwa hasn’t seen him cry for years, and not this much since he was five or six years old. tobio rushes to her, hides his face against her chest as his sobs double over in intensity. she can barely made out the words _sick, senpai_ and _blind_ , the little cogs in her brain working extra hard to make it make sense and the first thing that hits her is that he is crying because _how will i play volley ball if i am blind ?_ which is actually a very tobio-thing to worry about.

the girl wraps her arms around her brother and takes him inside the house, gently stroking his hair and drying the colorful tears. she smiles through it, because they can’t be both crying. she comforts him, and tobio notices that she’s already turning ashy, her colors washing away with his never-ending tears.

« it’s fine baby, » she says,« it’s fine. you are young. you’re not gonna turn blind. i promise. i’ll schedule an appointment with the doctor, and if there’s any risk, we can afford the surgery. »

she doesn’t know about that : how much will it cost ? does their parents have that kind of money to spare ? but she reassures him anyway. he isn’t turning blind, not over some stupid boy who can’t realize just how precious tobio is, and how blessed he was to have his love.

she holds him until he passes out from all the crying, against her on the couch, and she wipes the last tears away with the back of her slender fingers. when he’ll wake up the next morning, the world will have turned to grey.

**Author's Note:**

> me, somewhere along in 2018 : okay, but i swear to all the gods that the next piece i write for them will be a nice fluff because that is what they deserve. no to sad oikawa. no to sad kageyama. 
> 
> me, in 2020 : oh, fuck it.
> 
> also, i promise i will give them fluff okay, i PROMISE (but how does one gives oikawa the love and happiness he deserves ? i can't seem to know)


End file.
